kitcat1787

words are powerful— far too powerful for me to be trusted with and yet, for some reason, I was trusted. my words have too much potential and they’re hard to contain here in my head they try to slither over my tongue and between my teeth and out into the world but I clamp my lips shut and swallow them because even a whispered word can be overheard and destroy the bond between us. my swallowed words rest inside my ribs, just behind my sternum, and they writhe and shift, pressing into my lungs until it’s hard to breathe, expanding until I’m sure my ribcage will break open and they’ll burst right out of me, d

shut up the words they’ve told me ring in my ears echoing inside my skull until they’re deafening thunderous. shut up shut up ‘not good enough’ ‘not good enough’ ‘not good enough’ shut up ‘not good enough’ “not good-‘ ‘not good-‘ ‘not-‘ ‘not-’ ‘not-‘ shut up. shut up shut up shut up ‘freak’ ‘weirdo’ ‘freak’ ‘disgusting’ ‘weirdo’ ‘freak’ shut up. shut up shut up shut up ‘freak’ shut up.

there is anger pushing at my seams from inside and despair and joy and frustration leaking out as i threaten to tear in two let the rage run rampant while i remain blank and impassive cold even i am so full of emotions a storm is trapped inside my frame straining to break out every atom in me is surrounded by everything i cherish and all of my emotion and yet i am empty i am so filled with feeling that there is no room left for me

in my throat behind a wall of fears and insecurities there lies a spider weaving webs of truths that are delicate enough to be blown away by the smallest of words. they are always reassembled with all the pieces dusted off and lovingly pasted back together but the spider doesn't know how long she can do this. she has spent years assembling ethereal tapestries from the starlight below her only to watch them fall apart at the slightest touch but she goes on picks up the pieces dusts them off and carefully fits the shards back together. the spider perseveres and the beauty of her creation grows every time she puts it back

the day elegance eloped with reason was the day my feet planted themselves into the ground to give me a foundation and the day my voice finally screamed the words i was hiding. it was the day courage outshone common sense and fear while justice wooed both satisfaction and guilt. my temper took an indefinite vacation and the world knew exactly how i felt as words flowed in a torrent over my tounge and the taste of them was sweeter than the nectar of the gods because the truth tastes so much better than silence.

I want to love I want joy and bravery I want anger and cowardice I want quiet I want to feel frozen I want to hear my own voice I want to feel like I'm burning I want to hear my mother sing and my sister laugh I want songs of times long past and friendship and heroism I want songs that make me cry and laugh and feel like I could take down an army I want stories and music and poetry I want music in the wind and the waves I want voices singing from the stars I want echos of the past I want faces on the trees I want cracked porcelain dolls dressed in leaves and flowers I want the impossible to run rampant in my head I want numbers and logic and